When she shared the news with her friends, people poured out of the woodwork with their stories: "I had three miscarriages before our first son was born." "My wife miscarried and we were devastated."
20% of pregnancies may end in miscarriage, but the world of pregnancy loss (like the worlds of infertility and infant death) is secret. This seems like a tragedy to me.
Perhaps this is why my friend said that the overwhelming emotion she felt on the operating table while they performed the DNC was not loss, not grief, but shame.
It took me the better part of a morning just to scare up a few poems on miscarriage. I'm sharing them here in case anyone ever needs to pass them on. Suffering like this should not have to be kept secret.
Written on the Due Date of a Son Never Born
by David Wojahn
Echinacea, Bee Balm, Aster, Trumpet Vine,
I watch your mother bend to prune,
water sluicing silver from the hose.
Another morning you will never see.
Summer solstice,
dragonflies flare, the un-petaled rose.
Six A.M. and already she's breaking down,
hose flung to the sidewalk where it snakes and pulses in a steady keening glitter,
both hands to her face.
That much I can give you of these hours.
That much only,
fists and blossom forged by salt,
trellising your wounded helixes against our days.
Tell us how to live for we are shades,
facing, caged, the chastening sun.
Our eyes are scorched and lidless.
We cannot bear your light.
-from Interrogation Palace: New and Selected Poems 1982-2004 (Pitt Poetry Series)
The Miscarriage
Amit Majmudar
Some species can crack pavement with their shoots
to get their share of sun some species lay
a purple froth of eggs and leave it there
to sprinkle tidepools with tadpole confetti
some species though you stomp them in the carpet
have already stashed away the families
that will inherit every floor at midnight
But others don’t go forth and multiply
as boldly male and female peeling the bamboo
their keepers watching in despair or those
endangered species numbered individually
and mapped from perch to oblivious perch
For weeks the world it seemed was plagued
with babies forests dwindling into cradles
rows of women hissing for an obstetrician
babies no one could feed babies received
by accident like misdirected mail
from God so many babies people hired
women to hold them babies babies everywhere
but not a one to name When we got home
the local news showed us a mother with
quintuplets she was suckling them in shifts
a mountain of sheets universally admired
a goddess of fertility her smile
could persuade the skies to rain Her litter
slept ointment-eyed in pink wool caps while Dad
ran his hand through his hair thinking maybe
of money as he stood surveying his
crowded living room his wealth of heartbeats
Pizza and pop that night and there unasked inside
the bottlecap was Sorry—Try Again
you set it down and did not speak of it
the moon flanked by her brood of stars that night
a chaste distracted kiss goodnight that night
your body quiet having spilled its secret
your palms flat on your belly holding holding
Forgive me if I had no words that night
but I was wondering in the silence still
begetting silence whether to console you
if I consoled you it would make the loss
your loss and so we laid beside ourselves
a while because I had no words until
our bodies folded shut our bodies closed
around hope like a book preserving petals
a book we did not open till the morning when
we found hope dry and brittle but intact
-from Poetry magazine, October 2005
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