The kids clambered into my lap, jostling each other. "Okay, guys," I said. "Mommy has to write this important email for work. If you want to sit with me, you can't make any trouble, okay?" Two minutes later, I was still Blackberrying away, and they resumed shoving.
"No!" I bellowed.
Then, quickly, Cody whispered, "Okay." And when I was done and said "Thanks, guys," he said "I love you, Mommy."
It was hard to come down from the blood-pressure heights after the email and the yelling, and I had a short fuse all morning. My husband and kids started their day on edge, anxiously placating me so I wouldn't fly off the handle.
I know what my priorities are. I read that article in the New York Times about how technology makes us less present to our families! I know to be present with my kids.
So how is it that I continually fall into this trap of believing that my attention needs to be on something else? Hustling the kids to bed, folding the laundry, Blackberrying...all these little distractions that don't truly matter at all, all this busy work that keeps me from centering right here where I am, in the work and the awesome blessing of mothering.
In the last 24 hours, I've been greeted at the door with a glass of wine by a loving husband. I've listened to the kids' grandfather read them Green Eggs and Ham. I've led several gleeful rounds of "Celebrate," the song the kids like me to sing when they finish brushing their teeth or make peepee in the potty. I've had a sweaty, chubby little hand linger sweetly on me and I've screeched with excitement as Liv and I find something she wants to wear. This is the life I love, the life I want more of.
Not the distracted life, punctuated by harsh speech and a mean attitude. Cody forgave me immediately, but I can't forgive myself. This weekend, I'm going to take a baby step and shut down email. There's nothing truly important that happens on a Blackberry, but there's a lot important happening in my lap.
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