The Mommy Manicure

The color that started it all

Once upon a time, I got manicures.  Pedicures, too.  But nowadays when I get a precious free hour, the last thing I want to do is spend it in a massage chair flicking through Star while a lovely young lady relieves me of my cuticles.

So a few weeks ago I picked out an awesome purple color at Sephora and decided to do a home mani/pedi.  How hard could it be?  I thought.  I've done them a million times. 

I had done them a million times, friends, before I was a mom.

Here is a real-time look at what it really takes to DIY mani/pedi at home, with toddlers.


5:00pm: Hide in bathroom.  Apply clear base coat while sitting on toilet.

5:05pm: Read What Was I Afraid Of and Too Many Daves to kids.

5:45pm: Put on Mighty Machines DVD for kids, dart back into bathroom to apply first coat of color.

6:00pm: Prepare and serve dinner.

7:00pm: Prepare and administer bath.

7:30pm: Hold hands over son's eyes while dad digs into small infected wound on son's hand with burnt safety pin. Repeat three times.

8:00pm: Dad brushes kids' teeth.  Back to bathroom to apply second coat of color.

8:30pm: Gingerly tuck in children and read bedtime stories.

9:00pm: Make lunches.

9:30pm: Clean up jagged edges of manicure with varnish remover-soaked cotton swab.

10:30pm: Apply final topcoat.

11:00pm: Slide into bed.

6:30am: Wake up to find topcoat totally scratched.  Decide it's kind of rock and roll.